Lived Experience Forum

[Oaktree]

So I have been seeing a psychologist for the past year and we have had a previous therapeutic relationship for about another 2 previous years. So we are talking about a relationship of around 3 years in total. She is pretty good but occasionally she will say something that pushes me over the edge and I either end up in hospital or spend some time feeling suicidal. For example recently she eluded that my life was meaningless and unfulfilled. I didn’t take that too well to say the least. Now I know that she didn’t mean any harm to come out of it but I am a terrible overthinker. We are supposed to be doing schema therapy with a view to getting back to the intended trauma therapy work that I actually need and want to do. The schema therapy was supposed to only last 3-6 months but it has already been 6 months and I don’t feel that much progress has taken place. I don’t know how much more time this part of the therapy is going to take. I don’t feel like there is too much wrong with me but I do need to work on my feelings of being not good enough. I just don’t know if I should call an end to therapy or not? What do you all think? Overall I have a good relationship with this psychologist and I will not go see anyone else. I can’t start over as it’s too painful. 

Meggle

[Oaktree]

I wish I could get @HenryX to give me some of his well thought out advice right about now but alas he is taking a forum break.😢

Meggle

[Bow]

I think only you can make that decision @Oaktree  Have you had this conversation with your psychologist? 
I seen my psychologist today and we had a conversation about how far I have come and I said I don’t see it. I don’t feel like I’ve gone anywhere. But my psychologist pointed a few things out…. I can easily stay in my window of tolerance now where as before we use to have to go for walks frequently and use a lot of grounding. She also pointed out that I don’t use my grounding rock as much…. There were other things too. 
My point is, we often don’t see the progress. I’d bring it up with your psychologist, express your concern. 
I’ve also been doing schema therapy, I find it interesting. 
🎀

[Oaktree]

Hi @Bow 

I would have loved to have had this conversation with her yesterday but unfortunately she went home early yesterday because she was sick. My appointment was at 11am and I heard from the clinic about 20 minutes prior to my appointment time so I was quite disappointed. I know that this was out of her control. It takes me a while to get psych’d up for these appointments. They are not my favourite things to do and I am often quite melancholy afterwards. I just don’t know what I want to do. My best friend says she sees a lot of progress so maybe it’s just that you can’t tell yourself. Thanks for your response.

Meggle

[Bow]

Oh that does suck @Oaktree!! It happened to me a couple of weeks ago too and even though I knew it was out of her control, I was still so disappointed. 
If your friend sees the changes and you can have that conversation with your psych id stick with it. 
🎀

[TideisTurning]

@Oaktree I'm so sorry to hear of that experience you've had with  the psychologist. It's so invalidating. But also, I feel like you are the one who gets to decide what is meaningful and fulfilling for you. In terms of ending therapy; that is a decision only you can make, but I wonder if you've thought about raising your concerns with your therapist? It's so tricky starting again and I can understand reluctance to do so, in terms of not wanting to share your story over again for example. 💜 

I'm also hearing you're missing your Forum friend. Something that can help me in situations like this is trying to imagine what the other person would say. So what do you think HenryX might say if they were reading your post Meggle? 

[Gwynn]

Hi @Oaktree. Sorry to hear that you feel stuck in your therapy and like it sometimes is too triggering. Can you try writing your therapist a letter? Even if you don't end up sending it to her, it might be useful to help organise your thoughts around this issue.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Oaktree , I agree with @TideisTurning  who suggested raising your concerns with your therapist, and also flagging the things she says that push you over the edge. I also agree with @Gwynn  who suggested writing your therapist a letter. Both these are great suggestions. The therapist has to learn what works for you and what doesn't - each of her clients is different in what they can handle. 

I would try these things and then give it 6 more months and see what happens, if the relationship improves.

Something else I thought of is that sometimes we go through plateaus in our recovery or therapy, where we don't seem to be making progress. I understand this is normal and we can't be moving forward all the time -recovery even goes backwards sometimes. So the last 6 months of schema therapy where you don't feel you've made much progress could be something along those lines? 

I used to have the "not good enough" thing very badly, from my childhood trauma. It permeates everything and is really hard to get rid of! But I have got rid of it mostly now - it pokes its head up occasionally, but doesn't affect my functioning like it used to. I know this healing was partly due to therapy. Having someone listen and validate me was so important. So if you have trauma, as you've indicated, and have mostly a good relationship with your therapist, as you've said, I would stick with it. Good luck...

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree , and @Bow , @TideisTurning , @Gwynn , @NatureLover

and others reading this thread

{The website, in colour teal, to the address in this note can be accessed directly from the included link}

@Oaktree , I like each of the suggestions offered by @Bow , @TideisTurning , @Gwynn and @NatureLover .

@Bow  asked whether you have had the opportunity to discuss your thoughts with your therapist. An extension of that idea is to take the opportunity to actually review, with your therapist, what each of you consider to be the progress that you have made and accomplished and then make a plan for future consultations.

The accomplishments can give you the feeling of reassurance that you are making progress and also provide support for what you plan to view and consider in future sessions. The plan will give you end-points for each topic that give you a goal to achieve and a time-frame within which you would like to achieve each stated goal. Time-frames need not be "set in concrete", but are really to give an estimate of the time within which to achieve each goal. Time-frames, while normally set at the beginning, can be adjusted at any time,

SMART goals are based on business principles, but can be adapted and incorporated into our psychological and mental health regimes. From the website: 

https://www.atlassian.com/blog/productivity/how-to-write-smart-goals

"What are SMART goals?

The SMART in SMART goals stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound."

Setting such goals may help in avoiding inconsistency or differences between the understanding and expectations of the client and therapist.

I believe that @TideisTurning seemed to echo and thus support the idea that @Bow presented, in that "you are the one who gets to decide what is meaningful and fulfilling for you". I likewise believe that it is important, while the therapist may offer suggestions, that we are the ones who need to own the goals, be as comfortable as possible and reasonable with the process {which may include times of distress and expressions of other feelings with which we may find it difficult to cope.} and enjoy the benefits of the outcomes of the therapeutic process and experience.

We see in various forum responses and also in threads that are specifically set up for the process, @Gwynn 's suggestion of writing thoughts in a letter. Such a letter may simply serve the purpose of actually having our thoughts written clearly to express our own feelings to ourselves. The letter may, or may not be offered to the therapist, depending on the desired aim of writing the letter. And the decision to offer the letter to the therapist, or not, can be made at any time, before during or after the letter is written. With such a letter, we may wish to inform the therapist of ideas that we find difficult to express verbally. We, on the other hand, may simply wish to "put pen to paper' to clarify and crystallize our own ideas and perceptions of issues that we face, purely for our own edification and clarification.

@NatureLover, expands on the idea of discussion of our thoughts about statements that are made by the therapist. I think that it is very important to address comments or statements made during therapy, particularly those that may cause us discomfort or distress. Certain statements may be introduced by the therapist, definitely not to offend us, but rather, for the therapist to have some gauge of where we may be, at any given time. Comments or statements, that can give rise to distress or discomfort, may be inserted in order to establish our "psychological temperature" or "pressure", as physical temperature and blood pressure are used to gauge a person's physical state of being. If you do not present a response to a particular statement, then the therapist may not be able to gauge or measure our present state and, therefore, our progress at any particular stage in the process of therapy.

Our response to a comment or statement offers the therapist an insight into where we see ourselves. Such responses may also inform the therapist about sensitivities of which they may not otherwise be aware. So, I definitely believe that to explore a response from us, to any comment or statement made by the therapist, that addresses a particular 'stuck point', area or issue that particularly concerns us or elicits some negative feeling or distress is worthwhile. It is often equally productive to address any statement, thought or comment, by us during therapy, that elicits similar negative feelings or distress.

{I know this because I tend to "second guess" or try to anticipate the reason for any and all questions, from a logic instead of feeling perspective. I am, now, tending to allow myself the freedom to respond and, sometimes react to statements by expression of feelings. I have previously mentioned that I only became aware, during a therapy session in early adulthood, of the difference between thoughts and feelings. Strange but true}

I do hope @Oaktree , that this response, in conjunction with the others offered, will be of help in determining the efficacy of therapy for you.

With My Very Best Wishes,

@HenryX 

[Delicatessen]

I started seeing a psychologist for OCD and anxiety around a year ago. I went very hard at the treatment for the first 4-6 months (put a lot of personal energy into it). Got some excellent results but then started to wind down and wonder whether I should proceed.

Thought constantly about the tools I’d been given. Ended up starting 6 separate processes on their own (it appeared I actually still had a lot to work through). Took them to my psychologist, and this paved the way for what progressed into discussions that gave me a practical way forward and some real insights into myself.

I’d say so far so good.

As to your psychologist saying unfortunate things. They all do. Need to remember they are human. There’s always the option of saying “I think I heard you say this”, “and if you meant this, then this is what I thought” “can you tell me more about what you said” etc.