Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hellooo @Newbie 

Just want to let you know there are some of us on this forum who have chosen to stay and know the rollercoaster of emotions that we have as we support our loved ones as they struggle with their mental health. We know the grief and losses that come with the territory.  For some of us there is a definite 'before' and 'after'. 

For Mr Darcy & I, we made it through an extremely rough time and have come out the other side, our relationship intact. He too was grateful that I stuck by in the worst of times. Life is different to what it was, Mr D still finding the road back from an attempt difficult, but there is much to be thankful for.😀

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Newbie 👋

@Former-Member has a great outlook on life in terms of taking on the “after” and living well despite mental health issues.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member 

Thinking especially of you as you have your sister visit. 

[Newbie]

Wonderful to hear as when he was first diagnosed i saw many stats saying 90% of marriages with a bipolar spouse end! Its scary for me at the moment hes on such a good week now hes on meds Im afraid to enjoy it too much thinking will there be regression?

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member , your thoughts are appreciated.

Regarding my sister ... she can be an extremely devisive person, and seems to take great pleasure in causing trouble for others.  I really need to keep my temper when she starts to run everyone else down.  Otherwise I will be considered to be the 'worst in the world' in her opinion.  And I dont want to cause any bad feelings. I love my sister, but I just dont agree with who she is, her view of the world, or how she treats others. She is one of those people who somehow missed out on the 'understanding and compassion' genes I think. Another thing I am well aware of, and am bracing for ... is the fact that she seems intent on causing problems between me and my hubby.  There have been occasions in the past, where incorrect comments from her have caused major flareups between hubby and I.  He has a shocking temper and is notoriously jealous, and it doesnt take much to cause an outburst of temper and agression from him.  It really can be frightening at times.  And it simmers to boiling point until sister has gone, then he explodes.  Usually leaving me baffled as to what caused it in the first place, until he says your sister said 'such and such'.  When you are as jealous as hubby is, it takes the smallest molehill to make a monstrous mountain.  So ... I am bracing for that.  If my sister notices an initial reaction, its almost like she is pleased with herself about it, taking a sense of pride in her achievement of causing trouble.  I dont understand that, and not sure why this is.

Any way .... it is what it is, and I cant change her.  All I can do is to be aware, and prepare for it.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Determined @bearNecessities @Newbie 

Sherry 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Newbie I am still hopeful that our marriage will survive, but I think that will be dependent on a diagnosis and treatment intervention, because at the moment he thinks I am the one who is unwell, unable to accept his “healthy” life choices, and gaslighting him ..... and is being passively aggressive in response.  There are delusional moments to deal with too occasionally, but the kids and not wanting to destroy our lifestyle is holding us together at the moment.  I don’t know what the outcome of a diagnosis would look like for us, but I would intend to walk forward with him from there anyway, either as a spouse, or as a good friend if the damage is too great to sustain a marriage.  We still manage some good times even now.

Others here who have stayed are @Former-Member @Determined @Shaz51 amongst others, and their example helps to keep me steady.

There definitely is the possibility of staying together, and making things work despite the illness and issues.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Take courage @Former-Member .  My mil is like that ..... smug in her ability to upset people .....

Go figure ?!  :face_with_rolling_eyes:😬

[Former-Member]

Yeah ... thats the word ... Smug. Precisely. @Faith-and-Hope  I just dont understand anyone who deliberately causes hurt or any form of discomfort to another. Just so wrong, whatever the circumstance.

Ive read enough about your mil to know that I could not have suffered it, as you so bravely have. I think I would have crashed and burned. I can handle my sister in small doses, so am glad we live 7 hours drive away.

Sherry

[Newbie]

Well I pray you stay together and he stabilises on meds. Im so new to this all myself so hope we work through this too. I worked hard at helping him not only for him but so my three children have their dad back because at one stage it felt lile my husband had died and some other person took his place

[Former-Member]

@Newbie  It sounds as though things are now on track with your hubby. I hope that meds continue to keep him stable and that steady and sustained improvements happen along the way.

You've been through such a difficult time, all of you, but it looks like you're through the worst. 

Wishing you the best.

Sherry 😀