Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[PeppiPatty]

Not Long @greenpea your mum will be hoeing in you very soon. 

If if you are at a good place ( which I never am ) you could say 

men and women take their unconscious problems out on women ....... 

esp. us little bit more vulnerable “ 

I have said this to her but not at good times. I did growl at her for comparing my son to his friends that she calls to get information from though.  

This is a pic of a quilt I’m making for a baby 

[outlander]

@PeppiPatty
Im not all to sure what to say as critisim is something i encounter all the time-usually the negaitive kind but im following along with interest and understanding towards what your going through
💚💛💜❣💗💙❤

[PeppiPatty]

Your probably best writing your experiences and let us respond to you darlin’ Arlo is asleep

[Former-Member]

Family ... often our worst critiques ... sometimes though they say what we need to hear ... important not to take concern as criticism.

There are many dynamics at play here. My hackles tend to go up when I hear "should" ... you should ... he should.

I find diffusing things with humour helps, one example

Mum (stating the obvious): "your place is always so untidy"

Me: "I don't know why mum, but mess seems to follow me. I don't know how I missed out on your cleaning up genes, obviously took after my father's side in that regard".

Bonus for  if " you should ...."

Mum I do struggle with this, you did suggest I should do .... Why don't you come around once a week to help me tackle this and  I don't think I could do it without your  help "

[greenpea]

@PeppiPatty I couldn't agree with you more PeppiPatty. Love the colours of the quilt beautiful.

[Former-Member]

Few more suggestions

"Looks like I have inherited the family flaw - hey, are you calling the kettle black?"

"Tried suggesting that already but...

.... one word from me and he does as he pleases"

... goes in one ear, out the other"

... it's like water off a duck's back"

"Yep, I could certainly use one of those, thank goodness my birthday/Christmas is coming ... look forward to opening your present to me"

"I heard that was genetic - what in your experience works the best?"

"Heck yes ... but only if you're shouting"

"I'm thinking someone got out the wrong side of bed this morning ... are you feeling a bit grumpy today, can I give you a hug"

"Thank goodness we aren't all the same and my/his talents are in other departments such as ...."

[Former-Member]

I ain't no saint, often what I think and what I say are two different things...

[PeppiPatty]

Jeepers @Former-Member

I’ll need to reread all of those good comments..... 

I am in so much fear of my Mum. 

You weite 2 or 3 things that really resonated .... after dinner 🥘 I’ll tell you which one ☝️ !! Xxx 

[Former-Member]

@PeppiPatty

I try to ensure all I say is done so in love.  When saying these things I smile, will put my arm around mum etc. 

[PeppiPatty]

mmmm @Former-Member

My poor Mum has bellowed and bellowed at me for years. 

I've had many years of Psychotherapy but what really really helped me was both medication, and therapy. 

My Gp did not believe in antideppressants so I researched, found Effexor and asked for them. Then about 4 years ago, I was put moodstabilizers when I was explaining to a Psychiatrist that I felt I was falling apart all the time. 

He looked at my history and actually spoke to me for about an hour and kept in contact with me for a long time. 

I find that without 'checking in,' with Sane forums, taking meds and practicing certain ways of self care, I draw dangerous things in like people being aggressive around me. Self care is first and foremost but,