So it looks like nothing will eventuate with this girl i met with a few weeks ago
She is under a lot of duress being an international student. On top of that, she has her own mental health issues.
I was of the view/opinion that it would be good to help each other, but i now see that the nature of what she deals with (BPD, PTSD and depression) may throw that into chaos.
Perhaps even when good things could come, the newness of someone is hard to tolerate.
I think it has ended now and maybe that's okay. It hurts a bit because I genuinely thought something could come from it. But I also said I felt on the evening we met where nothing really happened when I felt it could have.
If this year has taught me anything about people - it is that we are so complex.
I have had to come to terms with things from 10 years ago.
Just gonna leave it where it sits at the moment and see. She may even go home.
It does make me wonder about how if I am really "refreshing" or "genuine" and how these are attractive qualities. She said this to me. I guess I am just reading what they are now. I believe I still have these qualities and my endeavour to continue to enact them hasn't stopped.
I went out last night and met some new people and was fine.
It felt weird but kind of renewal. I am a little paranoid that when I let my gaurd down someone had my phone and I was worried, but I think I am paranoid.
I am reminded about something I wrote in my journal from my trip in 2018 - that no matter where you find yourself in this world, the one thing which CAN NOT be undervalued is human connection and being genuine.
This doesn't stop for me.
Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs)
Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
Kids helpline (24 Hrs)
13 YARN