Lived Experience Forum

[kato]

Hello everyone on the forums,

I keep reading through everyone's stories and their journeys, and everyone is doing really amazing things, they are having fantastic insights into what is troubling them, and i see so much support and recognition from all the members to each other, it makes me proud to be a part of this forum.

I find myself craving to see the updates each day, and scrolling through all the posts, giving my input where i think appropriate, and hopefully it is helpful.

I am very much ok and healthy and safe, but i think i need to go on hiatus for a couple of days, i find myself really struggling to write the simplist of responses to other members, and i feel like i am starting to lack empathy for people, i know it is more then likely in my head........ last night i had a horrible night, one of the worst in quite a few months......

I expierenced some haunting flashbacks of some of my transgressions from over the last few years, and i find myself appalled by them, it is because of these i need to take a break, my reality is blurring, and i know that i get told how thoughtful i am, or kind, or empathetic etc, but i really am not those things.....

well i suppose in some ways i am, but i am shaken by the flashbacks.

Do not worry i am and will be ok, i think i need to focus on a few truths about myself and also deal with the thoughts and emotions associated with them.

I see my G.P on friday, which will cover i believe what my psychiatrist assessment is, and a plan of action from there.

Hopefully i am only going to need a few days

Thank you

[kristin]

Hey @kato 

Your decision sounds like wise self-care from here. I can relate to the "compassion fatigue" and the sense of being all over the place on the forums. Also having a bit of a more up-close and personal view of some painful personal realities which others cannot see, or be fully aware of.

Thanks so much for your thoughfulness in letting us know of your decision. Blessings on your journeying my friend. I'll look forward to hearing from you when you are up to talking with us again.

Kind regards, 

Kristin

[CherryBomb]

@kato 

Sometimes giving is good, but I think sometimes giving and giving can wear you down. I see you give to others so much on this Forum, so I full support you in giving back to yourself by going in to 'hiatus'. Self-care is so important. And I think it's really insightful of you to know that you need some time to work on yourself. This is such an important thing to do to maintain wellness. 

Take good care of yourself, my friend. Sorry to hear that things are rough right now. I know that you said that you feel like you lack empathy, but I believe that even the act of letting us know where you are at demonstrates thoughtfulness and kindness - Just as many of your posts are on here.  Everyone has a dark side, no one is perfect, but be cautious of letting negative thoughts of yourself define who you are. There are many parts to one person. The evidence of what I see of you on the Forums is that you are indeed a very caring person, you give a lot to people on this Forums.  

Hope to see you on here again soon, but only when you are ready.

We'll always be here. 

[Cazzie]

@kato

I don't "know" you well but you sound like someone I would understand fairly well. I too have flashbacks to a less than happy past. Not only things I've done that I'm not happy about but also things that were done to me that I've been able to push into the background are now coming back, crowding my thoughts and emotions.

Being a carer for someone with PTSD, who constantly has these issues, I often find it necessary to take a hiatus from the forums. Unlike you however I'm rarely polite enough to tell people I'm going.

Thank you for reminding all of us that we have friends, counselors and mentors on these forums who care about us and are probably quite concerned about us when we just disappear. I hope you can climb out of your black hole and be back in the light with us soon. My thoughts will be with you.

[kato]

Hello Everyone,

@kristinThank you for your thoughts and prayers, i am hoping everything is still going ok for you, i am slowly going to go through the forums, to catch up on what i have missed, looks like a bit, so should be fun.

@CherryBombThank you for reminding me that i, by posting that post, was being thoughtful, i know it has only been a couple of days, and it has been a bit of a mixed bag of fun, but i am feeling refreshed which is good, i tend to not realise, that my posts are kind etc......

@CazzieHello to you and thank you also, i know we haven't had too much interaction through the forums, but i have seen what you post everynow and then, and i think i have to agree about the understanding part, i do not enjoy my flashbacks, but they will be something i will address with my dr's, i thought i would say something not out of politeness, but i didn't want people i suppose thinking the worse, i understand about just having a hiatus, without saying anything, i nearly did, but for some reason i thought to write about it.

Ok so what has been happening for me the last few days..... not a whole lot my mood is still hyped, which is ok, i have the proverbial lid on it, just makes my life more enjoyable at the moment, still having flashbacks, not so much fun, but i am finding myself addressing them and acknowledging the reality of them, it's hard to explain.

I had my appointment with my GP, which was a let down as my psychiatrist apparently hadn't sent anything through so, i rang him and he called me back, he is not too sure why the gp didn't recieve it but hopefully he will re-send it today, then onwards and upwards with treatment etc, i also forgot to take my centrelink paperwork with me for my gp.... i had a brain fade yesterday afternoon.

I will do some reading through the forums and see what if anything i can help to suggest to people, but for now i am relaxing, went for a drive today and it was like old times i enjoyed it.

thank you all again for your support