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Looking after ourselves

CherryBomb
Senior Contributor

Homed or homeless - enabling or helping?

In this article, 'A Tale of Two Cities,' John Freeman tells a story about how he and his unwell brother, Tim, lived very different lives New York. What set the lifecourses apart was their mental health. 

John talks about the guilt he experienced for not taking Tim into his home. John lived in his own luxury apartment, while Tim lived just a few blocks down in a shelter. But in doing this, John recognised that making this tough decision helped Tim brother to gain independence. 

As the old saying goes, 'give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime'.  Does this mean that he needs to go hungry in order to learn? What are your thoughts? Would you let your loved live on the streets to gain independence? @Sister , I understand that you are currently caring for your brother. What are your thoughts?

@Camelia I recall that you care for your son, though he does not live with you, I'd love to hear about how you'd potentially approach this situation described above. 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Homed or homeless - enabling or helping?

I suppose I am struggling a lot with this at the moment. I feel like I spend all of my time with my brother and I help him do almost everything he needs to do. I don't like leaving him alone unless I need to go to work. I have very little time to myself for the things I like to do. But how do I back off without making him think I am abandoning him? At this stage I feel like if I didn't do these things to help him, he certainly wouldn't be doing them himself. I love having him here with me but I would also eventually love to be able to work more and see my friends or boyfriend more without feeling like I should be home looking after him. I guess I'm hoping that as time goes on and as he feels happier he will seek his own independence. I suppose each day I'm trying to teach him little things and plant seeds and ideas in his head about things he could do. I hope that one day he might even get a job which would be a huge thing for him. I would appreciate any advice anyone could give

Re: Homed or homeless - enabling or helping?

Hi @Sister 

I like your strategy of teaching small things that he can use to become independant.

Your experience reminds me a bit of @Impala 's experience which you can read more about here

 

@Impala , what are your thoughts on this article?

 

Nik

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