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Looking after ourselves

Rubyrose1
Senior Contributor

Guilt

So many changes in my life right now, mostly good but are requirings some really big adjustments, Ive started a full time job after 20 years of not working in an organisation with other people and being expected to work at regular times instead of working for myself and working when I was well and able to, i think im coping pretty well considering that my whole body ages, I feel exhaustedly tired all the time and my anxiety of a morning before work has been extreme, i cry everymorning on the drive to work ,but once im there I can shut it off.

but the thing that is bothering me the most is that  I'm still struggling with my daughter,  I've given myself a day off work today because everything has just gotten too much for me and the thing that bugs me the most is that I still feel like I'm never doing enough to help my daughter, my partner says that my daughter is now old enough to help around the house and not expect me to do everything for her and that she hasn't the right to behave in a way that makes me feel the way I do, that she behaves the way she does because she knows how guilty and sad it makes me feel, but hearing that makes me feel even sadder, that I have raised a child that is either oblivious to how she makes others feel or even worse, knows how she makes me feel and continue to behave that way.

I know its been hard with my depression, mood swings, low tolerance, and anxiety, I

know I haven't been easy to live with but I have always tried to show her affection  and tried to provide the best I can with the little money I used to get on my pension and family payment from the government. I really thought that if i went back to school and tried really hard, got a job that maybe my daughter would change her tune, start caring about her future and maybe a little nice to me. but she is still not much different, every time I try to make some positive changes she takes them the wrong way and say that i make her feel like she is stupid or something , this is not my intention , I just want her to be able to survive when she leaves school , I feel very scared for her and that i have failed her as her mother, i just want her to be happy, she hardly smiles and when I talk to her about it  sheget upset with me and say its just the way her face is and i should stop talking about it .

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Guilt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_enough_parent 

 

Somehow Motherhood guilt is more difficult for women.  You are right in wanting your daughter to be independent and capable.  Separating out from the early attachment phase is not easy.  She may not want to learn and grow but will benefit.  Keep doing research, but giving her time when you can.

Hope the forum is helpful

Apple

Re: Guilt

Hi @Rubyrose1 and welcome to the forum. Smiley Happy

 

Feeling for you with the dynamics with your daughter. I wonder if she is in her teens. I have no children but know this can be a very difficult time for parents. I was awful to my mum when younger and throwing guilt at her about my traumatic childhood was part of it. I regret the way I treated my mother then and into my adulthood too, blaming her for things.

 

But as we have both got older and further away for both of us from earlier family dramas our relationship has improved hugely.

 

So sorry you are crying before work and having a hard time. Good on you for being resilient with that. Well wishes and hope you find the forum helpful.

Bellarose75
Senior Contributor

Re: Guilt

Hi @Rubyrose1 , I felt like you where reading my mind as I read through your post. It saddens me that this is more common than I thought. This is how is was with my youngest daughter and myself and it went on for years. I can say that my overcompensating with all of my kids for what I deemed my failures ( mh issues) and the speration from their father, as well as trying to give them all a better childhood than I had, has played it's part in her attuide towards me and my current hubby. unfortunitly I don't have any words of wisdom, or a quick fix as I failed to see it myself until it was too late. My little miss is all grown up at 22 now and her attuide only changed of she moved out with a friend. I am sorry I am not much help. Hoping your daughter will realise soon that everything you have done for her and are doing is all for her and a better brighter future.Heart

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