14-12-2018 05:38 PM
I have recently joined this forum because I don't know where to turn next, so any suggestions would be helpful. My 88 year old mother has borderline personality disorder and depression, but of course now aging is also having an impact. She definitely does not have dementia, as this has been a lifelong issue. I am the youngest of 4 kids. My 3 siblings cut contact with mum a few years ago & I am now her carer & the only one in the family who will support her. I've done everything I can think of to help her & make sure she's safe, & at her age realise nothing will change - especially since she wont take meds & has no insight into her condition. I've been in contact with her GP, the local aged person's mental health team, & she had an ACAT assessment 2 years ago. However, as long as she is safe & not in danger of harming others, apparently there is no more they can do. ACAT provided approval for short term residential respite, but mum wont go. I have teenagers of my own to care for, including one who thinks she is transgender but is still finding her way in the world & confused about identity at this point. I have no issues with supporting my daughter - my reserves are depleted whenever I need to resolve any issues surrounding mum.
This is all very tiring. I have come to the realisation that I am the one who needs the support to be able to continue coping with the situation & continue as a carer. I wont cut ties like my siblings have, but when I ask them to step in & help they just refuse. I have been looking online for a support group but nothing seems to be relevant to my situation.
So, I would appreciate some helpful tips, or maybe just a chat with anyone out there who can relate to my situation. Thanks!!
15-12-2018 08:22 PM
15-12-2018 08:42 PM
26-12-2018 09:17 PM
05-01-2019 04:28 PM
Hello, and thank you for your messages of support. I think I was getting overwhelmed in the lead up to Christmas but things have settled a bit now. I appreciate your kind words and it did help me to "vent" and get a few things off my chest.
I hope you have a lovely New Year.
16-05-2019 08:54 AM
Oh I am so sorry to hear this has been your experience. It is so difficult to deal with ageing parents and you are doing it on your own. It must be at times very overwhelming and frustrating, to say the least. I would say to find time to focus on your own self-care - however that looks like for you. FInd things that you enjoy doing and that will give you a break. I would encourage you to perhaps look into speaking to a counsellor (can not recommend these enough!), as there are so many things going on for you and you don't have to do it on your own. Just talking out the challenging emotions can help give you some clarity. Reach out to friends for support also. Hope this helps.
05-06-2019 11:05 PM
How are you going? I am new to the forums and in a similar situation. Has your mum tried respite yet? My mum would not agree to try respite either and it took a lot of convincing to get her to go. The way I convinced her in the end was to tell her we would just go and have a look. If she didn't like it we could leave. I can understand from my mum's point of view that she was scared of the unknown. She actually really liked it and stayed! I hope this helps
06-06-2019 05:21 PM
hello @Burgundy86 and welcome to the forum
my mum won`t go to respite
It took a long time for her to have meals on wheels , now she has it 3 times a week and she likes it
The physio lady is trying to get her to go to exercise classes but mum who is nearly 88 said no thank you
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