Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

Hi everyone

Just reaching out for some support and understanding. I have been through the S attempt thing again and somehow have the 9 lives concept still going. This was within 1 week followed by a major MVA - I am faultless, just pain, shock and misery. I really loved my beautiful metallic blue wagon. I am trying to be grateful, I drove defensively and avoided a head on. The irony is extroadinary.

I am on weekly with the PDoc 'cos of the lethality and went today. Somehow I am unscathed after the initial symptoms. I somehow managed to ask about diagnosis. I am really stuggling with fear, anxiety and depression so it took a lot to do. 

I have now a definitive diagnosis and I am very afraid. I have MDD, anxiety and BPD. I have known for a very long time that I am different and that something was wrong, however it is the stigma and the label that are so saddening. 

I will now have to come to terms with the BPD as I am just so scared by it. I am now officially a total reject and so lost.

Lotsa luv

Bast

[Former-Member]

with tongue in cheek i say OI! don't label those of us with bpd as rejects 😛 I know what you mean though.. its an awful feeling, its a burdon of its own. I have a similar diagnosis but with cptsd added in. I was so scared of what it meant and the ramifications of it... still am when it comes to family court stuff.. but i have gained some more perspective. nothing really has changed just because the words were written... in my daily life at least. I spent some time talking with my psychologist about it (took me ages to let her know how much the whole bpd label was worrying me) and she went through what aspects of it she saw in me, what we could do about it etc... reassured me that i wasn't an awful person etc...

I'm so sorry to hear about your most recent experiences. You've been through so much in a short space of time, it is understandable that you are feeling so vulnerable at the moment. I'm glad that you are seeing your p'doc weekly and geting support. Will you be able to get a new car? insurance etc? *a nightmare on its own though!!!!

but you are NOT a reject, you may be feeling a bit lost right now, but you are amazing, you have so much strenghth (look what you ahve survived just lately even!!)... anyways, im sitting here in your corner with you,

lj

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi Bast

While I don't have life experience with the diagnosis you have been given ..... at least not yet ..... there are many, many others on the forums here who do, either themselves personally, or someone they love and live with.  You are absolutely not a "reject"  .... ❣

I said "at least not yet" above, because my hubby has developed an eating disorder that has thrown out family into chaos .... although we have managed to minimise the effects of it over the last year by learning more about what he is going through, and what we can and can't do to help him with it.  Unfortunately he is still in denial, and doing everything he can to conceal it, so without a diagnosis we are caught up in a holding pattern instead of receiving support and treatment.

It is very likely that there is another condition underlying and fuelling my hubby's ed.  I can recognise anxiety, for sure, and the ed may be a form of trying to self-medicate MDD, certainly OCD is present, and I don't know what else ....

Our kids and I have been battling situational depression, and work hard at balancing our own lives and developing coping strategies to limit the effects of this ..... and a lot of that means pacifying hubby at the moment as we try to walk him home.

Rather than seeing a diagnosis as a judgement over your worth, please take another look ..... a diagnosis can become a to-do list with self-care and self-management instructions that helps to take the guess-work out of it.  These things are not negative as such ..... they are a way of addressing the negatives to improve and focus in the positives.  

MI can bring a resilience and personal strength that many others in the community don't possess, cos they haven't had to fight for it.  It brings a wealth of empathy and compassion through the power of lived experience, with sensitivity and understanding that helps make the forums here go around.

Welcome to the forums @Bast.  Lovely to meet you .... there are social threads here like Beer Garden and Night Shift which are chattier and you can get to know others a bit, and ask about their experiences with the same sort of diagnoses .... how they have come to terms with it and how they manage their own situation.

Take care ....

🌷💜  F&H

[Lunar]

Hi there @Bast,

Thanks for sharing your diagnosis with the forums, how are things going since the S attempt? Are you looking after yourself and linked in with some extra support?

Hope you are taking good care of yourself after a really tough time lately,

Lunar 🙂

[Kurra]

Hi @Bast

Finally getting a diagnosis doesn't change you. You are still the person you have always been. These labels are simply a way for medicos to categorize a set of symptoms some of which may be present and others won't be apparent for whatever reason. It also means the medical fraternity can tailor your medications to best assist with ameliorating your current symptoms. Can you see this as a potential move in the right direction. Remember too that there can be a significant cross over of symptoms that can be indicative of a number of different conditions. Over time it may become apparent that the initial diagnosis is not necessarily correct. Please don't see this as the end of the world because it isn't. It may well herald the first steps towards recovery.

Stigma..... I have learnt that I can reject stigma. I don't have to accept or believe that the judgmental actions of ignorant people represent Kurra. I am Kurra who happens to have bipolar psychotic type, additional diagnoses have and still do include schizophrenia /schizoaffective . In some respects they all play their part so I choose to deal with the symptoms rather than the labels. If people do try to apply stigma to me I remind myself that I am in far more functional and infinitely stronger than those who do not walk in my shoes.
I am KURRA! I'm not bipolar /schizoaffective / schizophrenic.
It has taken me a couple of decades to reach a point where I am truly well. It has meant a lot od work with my psychologist and psychiatrist but I've had to put in a lot of personal effort to reach this point but it has certainly been worth all the blood sweat and tears.

Give yourself some time to come to terms with the diagnosis. It is a shock even when you've always known that you were a difference.

Take care and approach changes you believe you need just one step at a time. I believe that you can do this. Now it is up to you to know that you have the courage and strength to do the same.
Luv n Hugzzz 💕 🎶

[Billamba]

Hey @Bast,

I have suspected BPD. I haven't followed it up to have it formally diagnosed (moved states etc.) but elements certainly fit.

It is a scary one and there is a crappy stigma about it but you (we) aren't our diagnosis. Like @Kurra said you are Bast, you aren't a label. First and foremost you are Bast and this doesn't change you. It's useful to think of it as ways of finding strategies that work for you. Rather than trying one of the many strategies there are you can look at ones that generally work for people who have BPD or MDD or anxiety. I don't know. This is me coping with it, on another day I'm not so good about it. 

You aren't a reject - there are a whole heap of us who are behind you. 🙂

Here for you mate.

Billamba 🙂 

[Former-Member]

@Kurra, did you have a good self sense of self before diagnosis? Was your sense of self ever a little wobbly?

[Kurra]

Oh yes @Former-Member. Very wobbly but I also spent a lot of time working out what things/values etc that were important to me. As a result I have dedicated my life to helping people in need. This has provided me with a positive direction in my life. I cannot change the world but I can certainly help other people to see hope and work towards a far from perfect but nevertheless a better way of life. 🎶💕

[Former-Member]

Last question @Kurra. Did you find your sense of self after your kids had left home? Thanks for your previous response too. 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

Hi Bast,

Welcome to the forums 🙂

I think you know yourself best, I would not let a label define you.

I've know a few people who have gone to a few psychiatrists and have had different diagnoses from each specialist. I also believe that they don't always get their diagnoses right and have a tendency to put people in boxes.

You know you can always get a second opinion too.

You are not a reject and I would be looking within to find some of the answers you are seaching for- not all diagnoses are right and I wish you all the best.