Lived Experience Forum

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

I have been so busy for so long now, and constantly busy and stressed about work and stuff outside of work (I'm the treasurer and a key organiser of our youth breed society).
I've been feeling it creep up on me, the exhaustion and putting stuff off that I normally enjoy.
Today after spending the whole weekend working at the farm (something I love and do on Sundays no matter what) I got home, showered, tea continued planning and organising a busy weekend with our breed group, before crawling into bed at 9pm. Where I've been curled up crying since. I feel so useless and miserable. I'm only working 4 days a week now, and I thought things were going well. I have next week booked off work, why can't I wait till then to have a meltdown. I don't want to chuck a sickie just coz I'm a useless mess. 😢
Sorry this is just a pity post. I need hugs, puppies and kitties... if anyone has any spare. 😜
And if someone could just press *pause* on life for a bit so I can pull myself together, that'd be wicked...

[Alessandra1992]

Meerkats? Press Pause!! 🙂

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Meerkats???

I somehow managed to get to work this morning, even though my face was so puffy from crying all night and my head felt ready to explode.

I managed to speak to my boss and if we actually have staff (we are so short-staffed it's not even funny) I can have Wed-Fri off. I also gave her a heads up that while I'll try to last until then (or the end of the week) I may not be able to. I think she suddenly clicked when I said I'd prolly take it as sick leave (too late to put in a leave form) and when she saw my face leaking tears. Coz I love crying for no reason at all...

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Crazy_Bug_Lady
Meerkats coz I don't have any puppies or kittens 🙂
Good on you for getting to work today, sounds as though you are just overworked and exhausted..so maybe if you take the rest of the week off you may not need the following week off..
I leak tears when I am exhausted too..

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Ahhhh... meerkats... I do like baby meerkats. 🙂
I have next week booked off already, I'm supposed to be heading off to Mount Gambier to help and present at a cattle handlers camp for school kids. Not too sure atm if I'll be able to manage that...

I hate feeling and being like this though. And it's been months since I've crashed like this for no reason. Every time I start to think I'm getting a grip on this it falls apart again. I've actually spent the last few weeks thinking of trying to cut back or stop taking my antidepressants. And I had a really good day on Sunday, got into the shower when I got home and "BAM" waterworks and misery and all the fun crap. Questioning myself as to why I bother, why am I still here etc.

[Former-Member]

First of all... well done for being honest with the boss and taking control and asking for what you need right now! I think that your self awareness of how busy you are with work and your outside of work work. Glad that you have the farm work to enjoy. Nothing wrong with a good cry (or so my psychologist keeps telling me... it will clear out stuff and refresh...) You bother because you are you 😄 Already from what ive read of your posts you seem to be a conscientious, helpful and motivated person. Things will get better again as they have before, just got to hold on and ride out this storm. Walking with you if you like,

LJ 

[PeppiPatty]

Thinking about you groovy @Crazy_Bug_Lady

From Anne

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks Sandy, LJ and Anne,

I'm feeling a bit better today thankfully. I checked in with my boss today, and got everything sorted so I have the rest of this week off, as well as next week. I feel a bit bad, and a little worried about how everything will be when I get back, but at the same time I feel like a huge weight is (slowly) lifting. I hope this will give me time time to get back out of this hole and finish sorting out everything for a campout we're having as part of the cattle youth group (aka SALY)

I was/am worried that I'll crash again this weekend. And the idea of that happening out there is scary. But having the rest of the week off will help I think.

I think the other problem with yesterday was that I was feeling so fragile, and in the morning I messaged a friend I work with (who has Bipolar and other heath problems so understands) and I felt like she complletely invalidated me so I snapped at her. Then I found out that she'd called up sick, so I felt like that was my fault. When I messaged her again later in the day to partly apologise (I was sorry for snapping, but I feel like when I say something she dissmisses it because she has it worse) only to have her outright say that she sturggles so much and when I snapped at her that sent her a downward spiral. So then (and I still do now) feel like a complete A**hole.

I'm terrified I've lost her as a friend. I have such a hard time meeting people and having friends, so the idea of losing one of very few people is really upsetting. But at the same time frustrating, as I don't feel like I'm in the wrong. Or even that she's in the wrong. We clashed, we should get over it and be fine. Hopefully?

Golly golly. Sorry for the long post...

Hopefully I get some sleep tonight, and I will hope for the calm to sort out the SALY stuff and clean my house. and when I am in a better frame of mind see if I can sort things out with my friend.

And I will make time regardless at some point tomorrw to spend and hour colouring or something simple. Just for me.

[PeppiPatty]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady

Just a tic.....

@lisajane, I so like seeing your blue birdy :0)

Back to @Crazy_Bug_Lady,
How are you ? Did we chat about timetables before ?

I personally feel that positive talk is the wAy to go with your friend....what do you think?

You could send her a funny card and ask her for a coffee and jelly beans?
And not discuss anything deep .....but if she brings it up.....count to 10 then tell her how you truly feel?

What does @Former-Member and @Alessandra1992 think?

[Former-Member]

I agree with @PeppiPatty , with your friend I would give her a little space for a few days then pick things up like normal, if she brings it up then as justanother47yr said you'll have to be honest about it but maybe you can both let it go and move on. It's awkward but hopefully it'll be ok 🙂