Lived Experience Forum

[Bella19]

Hi all, 

I am 37 and have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and Social Anxiety. I have gone back to working childcare and am finding that the person I work with is complaining about me to other staff while being nice to my face and the gossiping in the workplace is getting to be alot. Because I have social anxiety and anxiety in general I am shy and introverted and struggle with relationships of all kinds. I am struggling to go to work at the moment and regretting going back into childcare but now feel trapped. 

Any advice please. 

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @Bella19 Welcome to the forums. Anxiety is awful isn't it and it's so hard when you're in an unsupportive workplace. It sounds like you are feeling uncomfortable in your work environment. That's so familiar to me, I remember being in work places where I felt I couldn't be myself and I dreaded it each day. I don't really have the answers, but for me, it wasn't until I found a good fit for myself that I was able to be more relaxed. Could you explore other avenues? 

I'll tag some of our community guides as well, maybe they can offer some words of wisdom. 

Take care 💜

@Flying_Hams @NatureLover @Snowie @Shaz51 @wellwellwellnez @Zoe7 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Bella19 .

I am sorry to hear your situation - I also hate it when someone is nice to people to their face but nasty behind their back. 

I am wondering whether you can look for a job in another child care centre maybe?

Good luck...

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a  name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 

[SMTW]

I’m really sorry to hear your story. I have been in a situation like this many years ago. I hung in there for a long time until eventually leaving as o couldn’t take it anymore. Once I left I was able to confirm that the things that were being said about me were just not true. I regained my self esteem and my anxiety reduced significantly.
We spend a lot of time at our workplace and it is important to feel safe when we are there. 
Have you considered having a meeting with your manager ? I understand that due to your anxiety , this would be a very confronting thought. If you have a counsellor , you could discuss this process prior to the meeting. 

[Jo-anneJoy]

It had been my experience, when I returned to the workplace having overcome the barriers that panic anxiety, people-pleasing and agoraphobia, that I had levelled up in terms of respect and boundaries and was continuing to work in the same ol' same ol' workplaces where the culture of bullying, gossip power plays was still being rewarded.  Whoever is reporting to you about what is being said behind your back will be the person/s who need to be transitioned to another job.

Whether it is appropriate, or not, there any many workplaces that still cultivate a 'survival of the fittest' mentality, which is absurdly petty yet often facilitated by management: a fish rots from the head down.  This particular workplace may not be a worthy place for a person of your compassion, self-awareness and demonstrated ability to risk being a real human being.

Do a bit of Google research on covert narcissists in the workplace and teach yourself how to identify the patterns when your anxiety throws up a red flag. 

I really enjoy the approach of a therapist, Molly, who posts on Facebook as Wild Goose Counseling based in Alaska. She focuses on strengthening personal boundaries and evolving clarity on your values.

As you decide whether or not to stay with this employer, focus on doing the job that you are being paid to perform, which you are most likely doing very well and the gossip-mongers are intent on taking you down a peg before management notices they are lazy.  

Take care of you.

[Historylover]

Hello @Bella19. And because of the way they treat you, it is worsening your social and general anxiety–I would also go one step further and say that the way people have treated you is how you developed social and general anxiety. 

Do whatever you need to take care of yourself, @Bella19. Sending best wishes.

[Bella19]

I am currently looking at working at another centre but wondering if I should leave the industry altogether. 

[Bella19]

@SMTW I did try that and they directed me to speak with the person directly but that hasn't gotten me nowhere thinking of leaving the industry all together as it seems to be one that allows gossip and bullying to occur. 

[wellwellwellnez]

Been there @Bella19 . Tends to be tricky. HR policy is usually to try and deal with these things directly, if you feel you can. But, determining if you can (and how you should, etc) is a whole other thing to do.  

There's a bunch of ways you can take control of the situation, really. What, you decide to do should be what you want to decide to do, if that makes sense. The power you take back should be your power that you want, that sort of thing.

[amber22]

Hey @Bella19, 

I empathise with what you are going through right now at work. 
As we usually spend so much time at our places of work, it can be really discouraging and hurtful when our work environment isn't a nice place to be in, or our coworkers aren't very nice to us. 

It also can seem quite hard to 'ignore' people that constantly talk behind your back, but send mixed signals to you by being kind to your face. 

Definitely have a check in with yourself about whether you want to continue to work at this specific place or if there may be a choice to move companies? I see that you aren't sure whether you want to even stay within the industry as well. 

It is so important to put your own feelings first, so do whats best for you and your mental wellbeing. As we spend so much time at work, it should be at a place that adds value to us and our happiness. 

Always here for support, 

Amber22