Lived Experience Forum

[Jlol]

I experience depression as a more physical feeling - like a combination of being winded in the gut, hungover, sleep deprived, hungry, car sick, anxious and claustrophobic all at once.

I don't really have negative thoughts, eg no words popping into my head saying things like "you suck" or "that's not worth it" etc. So, things like "recognising the negative thought and letting it go" or distracting myself don't really work.

Is anyone else similar?

[Flotsam]

@Jlol 

No you are not the only one but therapy may enable you to get to the words and beliefs that are at the root of the depression. First we name it to start the healing process. When I started therapy I couldn’t name how I felt, I had completely dissociated from my body and feelings. The first few therapy sessions I did were seriously disturbing, I couldn’t answer any or my therapists questions, now I feel what seems like too much and know my triggers, I feel the emotions in my body and have processed so much trauma old buried memories are popping up. I worked on lots of grounding until it made more sense. I follow a couple of instagram pages about healing trauma that have helped a little. 

Some days I wake up with despair sitting heavy, no idea why and it just hangs around. I am trying really hard to notice any thoughts and there is nothing but the feeling and it sucks. 

[Jlol]

That sounds interesting @Flotsam.

Maybe there are some "thoughts" that I have that are so suppressed they only surface as gut feelings.

How do I use a therapist to surface them? 

[Flotsam]

@Jlol 

It has been a long process, starting with safety and stability, but the fast breakthroughs have been while using Eye movement, even just by myself these days, if there is something I can’t understand. Try using open curiosity to try to work out what is really coming up for you. I would start talking saying I didn’t know what was going on with me, but I did know once I was safe enough to allow it.