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Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@outlander
I wish there was something to help ease ur headache 😔
Wow, has it been 12 weeks since u injured ur hand???
Tomorrow im going to my best friends cousins wedding. Having the day off from seeing mum. Then on sunday will visit her.
What u got planned this weekend? Xx

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Thanks for tagging me here @outlander - I hope I can say something helpful - 

 

@Bella1978- hi

 

My stuff with my mother was different - I never got along with her and there were years on end when I didn't like the way I was being treated and as an adult I did not need her permission to live my life even if she thought it was strange - I would stay away for years on end

 

My sister was Mum's favourite - I was Dad's favourite and I think my mother might have had a problem with that but - after Dad died and everything was all about my mother and my sister and my mother was in care I had enough

 

One day as usual she snarled at me and I went up to her when she turned her face to the wall - and seeing as she was deaf she may not have heard me but I said "You've been driving me away my whole life and today is the last day" and I walked away from her and did not see her until just before she died and I saw an old woman with a load of regrets she caused herself and she was unable to hear me or speak to me - and I can only say she brought whatever she suffered upon herself

 

During the next few years I rang a few times but could not speak to her - I wrote and my notes were never answered - I never heard anything and my sister was reading that I would have visited my mother but never let me know - and I think she failed miserably with her duty of care and not of this is my problem

 

We do not have to put up with crap like this from our parents - as far as I can see I deserve respect even from my own mother and I never got it and I don't feel guilty - as far as I can tell no one has to be guilty - no one deserved nasty behaviour

 

I hope to get back here tomorrow - I was watching a long movie but came in to see what's what - I may have something more to add but we do not need what happens at the end-of-life at times

 

Really - I am sorry this is happening for you

 

Thinking of you

 

Dec

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@Bella1978. I can only imagine how hard it's been for you. Reading yiur posts on your other thread, I've been worrying that yiu are wearing yourself out.
The fact is your mum has changed. When she's not well with her MI, she's unable to be that same mother that you miss so much. Add in the UTI and other physical problems. That's a lit going on for her.
So yes, I can empathise a lot with what your mum is going through. I feel for her. But ........
Now I'm going to play devils advocate.
When your mum is having a good day & she says to you - it's my way or you can leave - be strong - be honest. Tell her she can't live alone. She is not well enough. So she can either have you as her carer, or a stranger or go to a home.
So. You will also have a say in things at home. Yes it's her house, but it's yiur home too.
Tell her what will happen (once you sort out what you need) - eg: a nurse / carer will come one day a week sit with her. Yiu will be going out. To socialise or study or shop or drink lots of coffee in cafes. Whatever you want. Maybe you need more home care for chores. Or meals on wheels 3 days a week.
But you need to have breaks. Yiu need to be able to do new things. Join a club. Go for long walks. Etc.
You don't need to be rude to mum - but let her know the situation as honestly as you can. She can't live alone.
Respite once a month if you could get it would be good. And maybe you can get her brother to have her over one day or night (possible sleep over) a fortnight.
Wait and see what the doctor has to say next week about your mum. Til then, take time for you every day. Housework can wait. Or just do the bare minimum.

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@outlander
Message to u at top of this page
Xxxxx

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Ita 12 weeks on sunday @Bella1978 but yp it has been that long already. I have pops birthday dinner tonight but not anything else planned at this point. Oops now pops brothers here after the last tribe just come. Sooo loud!
I hope the wedding goes ok for you and isnt to overwhelming. A day off sounds good esp with all your emotions running high atm
Whats your plans until you go to the wedding?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@outlander
Wow i didnt realize it had been 12 weeks!
Aaaw birthday dinner sounds nice. How old is pop??
Wedding is at 3pm luv. Its an hour away! Gonna leave in about an hour and go pick up bestie.
I doing ok luv?

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Um pops 72..... i think @Bella1978
Dinner i dont know its with people who like to make life harder than it needs to be so time will tell and with a headache on top hmm.

An hr isnt to far away till leaving. Im sure itll go pretty fast. Get ait of rest in while you can

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@outlander
No can rest luv. Gotta get pretty lol
Im sorry about the dinner tonight.
Still have headache??

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

Lol @Bella1978 im sure you look pretty already

Yep still have a headache

Re: Can I cope being a carer?

@outlander
Yeah i scrub up all right lol
I wish ur headache would settle down!